


when you can't fix the present (go back to the past)

by drabblesinthemoonlight



Series: i must have died alone [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bucky is tired, Canon Divergence - Captain America: The First Avenger, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Hydra Obadiah Stane, Kid Natasha, Natasha is a tired fourteen year old, Natasha is basically their daughter, Not Beta Read, Sad Ending, Slow Burn, Time Travel, Toni is prickly but a good person, and traumatized, i hope anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-14 09:57:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16910790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabblesinthemoonlight/pseuds/drabblesinthemoonlight
Summary: Bucky knows he's as good as dead, Toni's got a score to settle, and Natasha just wants to watch the world burn.Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/sqnigmupmbnr4qletujeq5lzz/playlist/26FU1LybSQKoT5vxBX0Bow?si=y0FDFzfpTuO-SKgffFwRLQ





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Time Falls Away](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005567) by [NotEvenCloseToStraight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight). 



> i just love the idea of pre-winter soldier bucky i'm sorry.

Bucky doesn't remember hitting the ground. He doesn't expect to hit the ground. Or be alive, to be honest. The frost is biting at his skin  (far past nipping) when he comes to. For a few seconds, Bucky can't remember how he got there. What he knows is that he has one hell of a headache and then he makes to turn onto his left side...and he feels it. Sees it. He nearly screams again but his throat is too hoarse to rise above a whimper.

 

The pain should be incapacitating, but he’s suffered worse on Azzano. Despite the fact that the rail and frostbite have completely numbed his mangled limb, he can’t stop the panic rising.

 

Fuck.

_ Fuck! _

 

He collapses on his back. The snow soaks through his uniform. Bucky stares sightlessly at the horizon. The grey of the sky meeting the mountain ridge from which he so recently fell.

 

How could he still be alive?

 

He tries to tell himself that a human being could survive the fall, that the injection they gave him - it didn’t keep him alive. It's not because of that far too bright syrupy substance they injected him with. 

 

Either way, he's alive.

 

But Steve thinks he's dead. That's what jolts him to his senses.

 

Bucky needs to get back to him, but how? It might take days, weeks.

 

Even then he doesn't know where he is. Realistically, he is too injured to even think about getting to the rendez-vous point. Not to mention he'll probably die from blood loss. His arm...just because he can't feel it doesn't mean he's not losing blood. There is nothing to staunch the bleeding.

 

It'd probably be best to just lay there, to die in the snow.

 

Where had he heard that dying in the cold was the most peaceful way to go?

 

And he could go peacefully. He had dealt with the bitterness over being drafted into this pointless struggle. Sure, he could have blamed Steve….anyone really.  Dying with that bitterness would have had him haunting past the grave.

 

He is alive. The only thing to show the passage of time is the overcast sky getting darker and darker. There are snowflakes on his lashes, they’ve been collecting ever since he woke up. The ones that have melted make his eyes sting. 

 

His right hand starts going numb but he ignores it. It is not a novel experience. He has spent more time motionless in a sniper’s nest longer than this. 

 

Just when he passes the point of cold and loops back around to warm (hypothermia he tells himself) the impossible happens. 

 

He hears  _ voices _ . Actual human voices, not anything animal. At first, Bucky thinks he's gone crazy but then he casts doubt aside and tries to shout. 

 

A sound, anything! 

 

But his throat is still hoarse and dry. Desperately, Bucky turns his head and takes a mouthful of snow, uncaring of sanitation at this point. Uncaring that it burns with cold in his mouth. 

 

Once it's melted enough he spits the slush out and screams.

 

Somebody! Anybody! 

 

He barely hears the crunch of boots breaking through the unpacked snow - but he does! The crunching comes closer until somebody looms over him.

 

A woman, all bundled up, is staring down at him impassively. He is too out of it to be wary. 

 

He mercifully passes out. 


	2. Retrieve & Recover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pressure on the wound, but the tears of flesh and sinew were just--
> 
> How was he alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: a major injury?

It is 1945. Toni's been camped at the bottom of the Swiss Alps for three weeks. She is looking for one Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. 

 

And now she's found him, a mess of blood, sweat and tears passed out at her feet. Toni would barely be able to look at the mutilated mess of his arm if she hadn't experienced Afghanistan. Still, it is with a forced composure that she keeps herself from vomiting right there. 

 

How did he survive this? Screw that, how  _ long has he been here _ ?

 

Toni continues to muse about this as she removes the tangled iron rail from what remains of his left arm and hauls him back to her time machine. 

 

Yup, her  _ time machine _ . 

 

In your  _ face Howard! _

 

Finally, she has him inside the TARDIS. Yes, TARDIS - she’s a Dr. Who fan - what else could she call this magnificent machine? Despite her best efforts, Barnes is a bloody mess. Gore everywhere and to top it off-she has only one cot. What was she thinking? Not the best of circumstances but he is alive.

 

The bigger issue was how Barnes was bleeding out on the said cot. Toni had no idea how to amputate limbs and no first aid kit. Well, first aid kit  _ big enough  _ for Barnes’ predicament. 

 

It wasn’t unfair that Toni hadn’t thought of it. She just thought that HYDRA had amputated Barnes’ arm for  _ ‘funsies’. _ They were twisted enough to do it! 

 

There was no use getting so wound up about it, Toni was already at the helm of the TARDIS, punching in a year and place that could  _ do something about it _ . 

 

As the TARDIS booted up, Toni found herself drifting back to her incapacitated guest. 

 

Pressure on the wound, but the tears of flesh and sinew were just-- 

 

_ How _ was he alive?

 

It didn’t matter. What was done, was done. Toni tears what’s left of his uniform from his body to help staunch his wounds. The arm’s unsalvageable, that’s for sure. 

 

Toni wishes she could have gone back _farther_ in time but Barnes’ fall from the train was a _‘Fixed Point’_ for some reason. Life changing for Cap she supposes. 

 

It is useless to think about what might have been. There was no choice. To go back to an earlier time would risk all of their futures. Cap’s plane crash into the Arctic must be preserved in the timeline, even it means Sergeant Barnes’ current predicament.  

 

The buzzing of the machinery calms Toni down and she continues to examine Barnes. What he’s wearing is sopping wet and she can tell with the press of her cheek against his forehead that he’s suffering hypothermia. 

 

Thank Thor for Toni’s  _ Titanic phase _ . She knows what to do. She has to cut his clothing to get it off of him. She can't risk him  _ dying of a heart attack  _ because of some careless movements. The blankets on the cot are thick so she wraps him in it. 

 

By the time she’s done all of this his breath is still stuttering but at least it’s progress. If only she’d packed heat compresses - oh well, just another thing to pick up after Barnes is stitched up. As well stitched as he can be. 

  
  



	3. The Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The light atmosphere Bucky’s been going for is suddenly dropped and Toni looks very grave. Bucky fiddles with a loose part of the seat cover.
> 
> “Mind telling me about that?” he asks as the piece gets ripped from the seat.

When Bucky wakes up, his brain is like cotton: fluffy and hazy and useless. So does his mouth if he’s being honest. Where he’s laying is warm and comfortable, and after years of laying on the cold hard ground, he basks in it for a few minutes.

 

He can tell by the antiseptic in the air that he’s in a hospital room. Bucky then draws the conclusion that the entire experience of waiting helplessly for death was a drug dream.

 

That conclusion is blown out of the water when he opens his eyes and sees the woman sitting nearby. Which raises a very important question:

 

“What the hell?” he croaks.

 

Before she can reply a nurse opens the curtain.

 

“Oh, you’re awake!” Bucky flinches from the volume of her voice.

 

He nods and gives a wobbly smile. The nurse must take his silence and uncertainty for confusion and immediately begins rambling about how lucky he is to have survived and spirals from there.

 

Apparently, the Woman (and that’s what he’s calling her until he finds out her name) lied and said he was _mauled by a bear._ Bucky doesn’t know what she’s playing at, it isn’t uncommon for a soldier to be hurt or even maimed in a fight, as disturbing as it is to think about. There are only two other things that really catch his attention.

 

Apparently, the woman said she is his girlfriend (although that makes sense, how else would she be able to stay so close), and most importantly his left arm had to be _amputated_.

 

The nurse looks apologetic as she explains how the tissues had already been cut off for too long not to mention what was _left of it._ The medication numbs the impact of it but Bucky is still horrified. That’s a part of him, _gone_. It’s better than all of him if he looks at it half cup full but it still stands.

 

The nurse leaves with a “Holler if you need me,” and the silence is thick, excluding the beeps of machinery and occasional murmur of the other patients.   

 

“Why did you lie?” Bucky hisses, “a war’s going on! Of course-”

 

“War’s over,” she promptly responds.

His train of thought completely derails. 

“Beg your pardon?” Bucky breathes, “how long was I out?”

 

“Three weeks if you don’t count the brief lapses of consciousness -” Bucky lets go of his breath, “- if you don’t count the thirty-eight years we jumped.” then chokes on it.

 

“Thirty-eight-”

 

“Calm do--”

 

“You have to be joking? Where’s Ste--”

 

“Don’t interrupt me,” the woman states.

 

She looks intimidating, almost like Agent Carter.

 

“My name is Toni Stark, I’m an amateur time traveller. Amateur because nobody has invented the technology yet. Right now we’re in Canmore, Alberta, 1982 because you needed medical attention,” Toni explains, “I’ll tell you more when we _get out of this place_. Now take a shower, put on some time period appropriate clothing, and meet me in front of the hospital in eighteen minutes.”

 

She moves to stand up and Bucky grabs her wrist to get her to _wait_.

 

“Where are you going?” Bucky has to admit the separation (even from someone he barely knows) in a strange place is giving him anxiety.

 

“I have to pick up what’s left of your pain medication,” Toni shakes off his hand and walks out.

 

~~~

 

All of the things Toni’s told Bucky to do are far more challenging when he’s off balance due to bring down a whole arm _,_ but he manages it. Sure the empty sleeve of the plaid shirt she left him is unnerving flapping in the wind but Bucky doesn’t have the energy to tie it.

 

The chill of the outdoors has just settled in when Toni pulls up to the front entrance in a beat up truck. The silence is stifling as they ride so Bucky takes it upon himself to break it.

 

“You’d think being a time traveller would pay better than this,” he comments lightly.

 

“Not my car,” Toni replies without missing a beat.

 

He blinks. Alright. Bucky turns to try to get a read on her, but it’s hard with the shades she’s wearing.

 

“You do know it’s winter right?”

 

She cracks a smile, which is a first. That’s progress, at least.

 

“I think it completes the look,” she replies with a fair amount of levity.

 

“Ah, yes of course, how could I argue with that.”

 

“The history books never mentioned your sense of humour.”

 

The light atmosphere Bucky’s been going for is suddenly dropped and Toni looks very grave. Bucky fiddles with a loose part of the seat cover.

“Mind telling me about that?” he asks as the piece gets ripped from the seat.

 

Damnit.

 

“Better sooner than later.”

 

Steve’s not dead. That’s the only comforting part about the entire account of what Bucky’s missed. So, Steve’s not dead, but then again he might as well be. Stuck in a sort of stasis while all his friends and family grow older and eventually die. He’s recovered seventy years after the plane goes down By SHIELD. A spy organization started by Agent Carter and Howard Stark (Bucky knew Toni’s name was familiar!). Toni tells him how Steve joined a team, The Avengers, and briefly mentions how she was a part of it too. When Bucky asks about what happened after Toni looks distant. She tells him that’s the reason why she rescued him.  

 

Bucky asks Toni if he would’ve died on that snowy flat if it weren’t for her. She says no but what was in store for him was far worse than death.

 

Bucky remembers the voices he heard while he was laying in the snow, the more he thinks about it, the more Bucky thinks HYDRA captured him.

 

Again.

 

Still holding out _some hope_ , Bucky nervously asks if Toni had been talking to anyone while looking for him. She gives him an incredulous look which cements his conclusion.

 

He suffocates the horror with apathy and abandons the line of thinking.

 

Bucky barely notices when the truck parks, but is immediately distracted by how _small_ Toni’s time machine is. When he asks how she even _fit_ both of them in there she just says:

 

“It’s bigger on the inside.”

 

And she’s right, she is _so right_ . The interior of the time machine, sorry, the _TARDIS_ , is at least double the size of his apartment.

Bucky’s eyes are immediately drawn to what has to be what runs the thing, it takes up most of the left side and has a dashboard curved around it. The term ‘lightning in a bottle’ comes to mind when he sees the bolts of energy bouncing off the glass.

 

“Pretty neat, right?” Toni asks, smugly behind him.

 

Bucky nearly jumps out of his skin, he’d forgotten she was there.

 

“How’d you even build this?” he asks, wonder colouring his tone.

 

He’s only imagined things like this in sci-fi paperbacks, didn’t think it was possible.

 

“World was ending, hadn’t caught up on Doctor Who in a bit,” she replies easily as she moves to the dashboard.

 

“You must be some kind of genius.”

 

Toni’s easy smile falters for a split second.

 

“You bet.”

 

Bucky’s getting really sick of all these missteps.

 

“Where are we going?” he asks.

 

“1999,” Toni replies distractedly.

 

The blinking buttons and lights are stealing most of her attention.  

 

“Why?” he pries.

 

“Rescuing another key player in the game: Natalia Alianovna Romanoff.”

 

“That’s a mouthful of a name.”

 

“As if you’re one to talk, _Buchanan_ ,” Toni snaps back, barely containing her laughter.

 

“Well what kind of name is _‘Toni’_ , for a girl anyways,” Bucky replies, not without humour.

 

Toni says something but Bucky can’t hear her response over the sudden roaring. Then everything rocks beneath him.

 

Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, a little rocking, it’s easy to find balance. Yet, seeing as he’s short limb he’s undercompensated (or maybe overcompensated) and tumbles. The back of his head hits something solid.

 

He blacks out.


	4. Greenlights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His breath starts coming in short bursts and all he can think about is he’s back there again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attack

Bucky wakes up to what's becoming a familiar sight. Toni looming over him. However, it’s a nice hybrid of the last two times he’s woken up because, while she may make a semi-intimidating figure, he’s in what must be the cot he saw tucked in the corner.

“Gotta stop meeting like this, doll,” Bucky gives her his most charming look.

It isn’t too effective in making Toni light up in the slightest. Which is  _fair_ but, _still_ it bruises his ego a little.

“I’m awake now, you don’t have to _loom_.”

“How are you feeling?” she asks.

Ignoring him while not ignoring him simultaneously. Impressive.

He takes a moment to assess and finds himself in less pain then he’d expect from his head colliding with steel. Still, Bucky flinches as he sits up.

“You should cushion your corners.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“A slight headache. Which come to think of it, I’ve had since the hospital.”

Despite the circumstances, this is probably the most calm he's felt while right in the head. Well, as right as he _can_ be. Toni looks like she's trying to figure something out. Her expression sort of reminds Bucky of a kitten right before it's about to sneeze given the way her nose scrunches.

“When did they give you the serum?” Toni mumbles, and Bucky is sure anyone else wouldn't hear it.

He hears it though, and it's stunning because _how does she know_ ? Bucky hasn’t told anybody; for _reasons_.

As it stands, she _knows_ and all Bucky can think about is how it feels like the sickness cloying his lungs again. The straps, the way his muscles spasmed under _their_ ministrations. The electricity sparking through his veins. Feeling like one of Frankenstein’s monsters.  

His breath starts coming in short bursts and all he can think about is _he’s back there again._

It's like there's radio fuzz muffling everything around him.

Everything is tinted a sickly green hue, the light seeps in through the windows. Bucky sees himself reflected in Zola’s glasses-peering down at him like he is a specimen..

His brain is on fire but full-body chills make him shiverat the exact same time. He feels burnt at the edges of his body.

He can’t do _anything_ , has _no control over anything_ except the words coming out of his mouth.

Until his throat is raw and aching he repeats his serial numbers over and over. It’s the only thing keeping him sane.

But then he starts to notice he’s not the only one saying those lines. There is something whispering at the edges of the static and it takes him a moment to realize he isn’t imagining it.

Slowly the mania of sensations begin to halt and he remembers he’s not in that place anymore.  

Then he feels the warmth of her hand against his. The way he can hear her heart beating steady in her chest. His ear is pressed to her chest and the fabric of her shirt is _so soft_ he just wants to _smother himself_ in it.

“Breathe with me,” she commands, gentle but there is iron underneath this command.

He wants to take gulping breaths but he follows her direction and everything starts to _calm._

_In and out._

_In and out._

On one exhale he shifts, chin still resting on her while he just _focuses on her eyes._

_In and out._

She breathes with him.

 _In and out._  

Shellshock. Bucky doesn’t need to see any doctor to know that.

She knows.

Shame starts to curl like a snake in the cavity of his chest within his hollow and scraped insides.

His hand clenches in the cradle of her calloused hands. Bucky should be stronger than this.

His face must have given something away because for the first time Toni’s face _softens_ . Bucky would hold onto that but he's just so _frustrated_.

Her other hand runs through his hair in a soothing gesture and it feels good but tears still swell.

“It's okay,” she tries.

It sounds just above a whisper but that doesn't stop the emotions.

He's a soldier, he shouldn't feel vulnerable.

“I shouldn't have mentioned it,” she apologizes.

“I shouldn't feel this way,” Bucky croaks.

His voice is thick with emotion and he cringes at it.

Everything about her says sympathy.

“You’re human,” Her free hand moves and cups his cheek, “humans feel things.”

Her thumb rubs gently at the tear tracks.

“How did you know?” he deflects.

Toni goes rigid underneath him. Her heart still beats but she doesn’t breathe for a moment.

That can’t mean anything good.

Then she exhales and Bucky can tell it takes a lot for Toni to relax.

“I know you,” she says as if that’s an answer.

“That doesn’t say much.”

“I knew you from before, or well after, technically,”Toni fumbles.

“We met in the timeline where you don’t save me?”

“That’s the plain way of saying it, yeah.” She looks at one of the metal beams to avoid eye contact.

“Must’ve been close to know about...” Bucky trails off.  

Toni just grimaces.

“I shouldn’t have brought the _serum_ -” Toni sounds hesitant saying the word- “up in the first place, I’m sorry Barnes.”

“You know you can call me ‘Bucky’, right?”

“Sorry to tell you, but ‘Bucky’ isn’t a name,” she scrunches her nose.

He snorts.

“Well, that’s a shock since I’ve been going by it since I was seven.”

“Oh come on-”

“And I think that formalities can be dropped, _Ms.Stark_. We’re pals now, aren’t we?” he continues lightly.

They’re both grinning at each other like idiots.

“Holding you like this….I think we’re more than pals,” and both of them burst out laughing.

It feels good to laugh, better than crying. They lay in comfortable silence after the laughter dies down.

“How about ‘James’? Is that good enough?” Toni asks thoughtfully.

Unbelievably, the impulse to scowl at his name doesn’t rear its head. It sounds nice in Toni’s mouth actually.

“James?” she asks.

“That’s alright I guess.”

“This is great,” Toni sounds so excited, “I have _two friends_ named _James_.”

It’s such a small thing to be happy about but it's adorable and endearing. What takes away from the moment is Bucky’s increasing awareness of the blood crusted in his hair. He shifts uncomfortably and Toni notices...which is to be expected since he is on top of her.

“What’s going on?” she asks.   

“Blood’s matting my hair, it’s making my scalp itch a little,” Bucky says.

“Feel free to take a shower then.”

“You fit a shower in a _time machine_?”

“I’m not an _animal_ , James.”

Bucky looks at Toni, disbelieving for a moment or two, she stares back like a particularly curious owl.

“Mind telling me where it is then?”

“You need to get up first.”

Which is true, so he does.


	5. Through The Cracked Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia feels her lungs constrict and her eyes sting with ash.  
> Her abductor stutters to a halt and she can feel their breath in her ear as they murmur something but Natasha is deaf to whatever they’re saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of child abuse (it's Red Room)  
> tw: panic attack

There’s heat at her front, burning flesh and the acrid smell of the flaming hospital filling her lungs like cigarette smoke. 

 

She has to move but she can’t help but stare. At the mess she’d made. 

 

It was an accident. 

 

There was someone on her tail, a sniper of some sort and she needed to get rid of him. He was getting close and Natalia had no idea what he wanted. 

 

He was obviously trained, he could’ve been Red Room. 

 

She didn’t want to go back, not when she’d just broken free.

 

So, she got careless while fiddling with the hospital’s circuitry. Paid no mind when things started sparking and then burst into flame, her fight-or-flight response prompting her to flee when things got out of hand. 

 

Now the hospital was engulfed with who knows how many disabled patients inside. 

 

And instead of fixing her mistake in any way that she can, she’s paralyzed. 

 

Paralyzed with fear, guilt a cocktail of chemicals in her brain while sirens go off. She wants to rush inside, save anyone she can but…God. 

 

The shouts of the firefighters kick her into action, she tries to rush in through the entrance but she’s pulled back suddenly, by a pair of arms. 

 

Natalia retaliates but she’s met move for move, dragged out of the firelight and she only catches the reflection in her attacker’s eyes before Natalia’s bound and dragged with her back against their front. 

 

A particularly loud cry makes its way past her lips but the screaming from the hospital drowns out anything. 

 

She needs to get away. 

 

She can’t go back there. 

 

Can’t have any more blood on her hands. 

 

Natalia feels her lungs constrict and her eyes sting with ash.

Her abductor stutters to a halt and she can feel their breath in her ear as they murmur something but Natalia is deaf to whatever they’re saying. 

 

She just keeps thinking. 

 

She can’t go back there.

 

Natalia can’t go back to cold linoleum floors and other children with black holes for eyes or sharp elbows and split lips. Moving to a rhythm that was beaten into them. Using firearms with the same precision. With fingers that claw and scratch at the hand feeding and training them because it beats them with just as much care. She can’t go back to being one of them. 

 

To have those eyes, staring at herself in the dingy mirror. Examining herself for something to make her human to only be left wanting.       

 

In a moment of pure desperation, she manages to break free from their grip. Natalia then whirls around and puts distance between herself and the threat. 

 

It’s him. The sniper. He puts his hands up in a placating gesture but Natalia knows what he’s capable of. It’s an idiot move and she keeps a space between herself and him. 

 

Natalia wants to charge, eliminate the threat but she knows better. He’s already subdued her once, clearly knows what Natalia’s capable of. So, using her better judgment Natalia flees. 

 

“Hey!” The threat calls after her. 

 

His voice can barely be heard but Natalia can distinguish he's American. 

  
So, not Red Room but then,  _ who sent him? _


	6. Recalculations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look, you don’t have to believe me now, but I can show you. And do more for you at least than ‘Mr.SHIELD can save you’.” 
> 
> “SHIELD?” Natasha asks. 
> 
> Toni blinks. Natasha blinks back. 
> 
> “He didn’t even -- did you even let him finish?” 
> 
> “He was playing dumb.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dialogue heavy and unedited. surprised i updated? me too.

So, Toni was a little off in her calculations. The positives of the situation: she knew where the hospital was, knew the year it burnt down. The negatives: she didn’t know the exact date.  

So, when she went to investigate said hospital, only to find it in flames, well, Toni knew things had been going too well.  

 

The night sky doesn’t help things much, fiery red hair doesn’t glow after all. Still, Toni starts checking surrounding areas. 

 

Honestly, it proves to be a wise choice when she gets side-checked by a small body. Toni has a second to feel indignant before she recognizes the face that just passed her. 

 

“Natasha?” Toni asks in a moment of absolute stupidity. 

 

Surprisingly, Natasha (not taller than Toni yet, score) actually stops in her tracks. Toni catches a glimpse of her face and feels horrified by how absolutely terrified Natasha looks. 

 

She takes off again and Toni follows. 

 

What is she running from? 

 

Toni loses track of her at an intersection. That’s when she finds out who Natasha was running from. 

 

“Clint?” Toni asks the huffing man beside her. 

 

“Excuse me?” He asks, out of breath. 

 

“Clint I need your help,” Toni says, throwing caution to the wind. 

 

“A little busy.” 

 

“I know. I need help with her.” 

 

Clint looks reasonably unsettled. And his eyes are focusing on her lips which must mean - she checks and yeah - hearing aids are out.    

 

“Her?” 

 

“Yeah, her. The redhead you scared the wits out of. Goddamnit man, she’s only fourteen.” 

 

“How?” 

 

“A long story, I just really need your super spy skills now.” 

 

“I don’t even know where to start--” 

 

“I saw the direction she went, you do your thing and I’ll do mine for as long as I can.” 

 

Clint looks ready to object but then shrugs. 

 

“Aw, what the hell. What could I lose?” 

 

He honestly has no idea.

 

They take off, Toni honestly doesn’t pay any attention to what Clint does, after she loses track, he takes the lead. It all comes down to an old warehouse in some red-light district. Toni does her best to ignore the smells. And the suspicious stains. 

 

Toni’s about to enter the building when Clint pushes her back. 

 

“Hey!” she says, indignant. 

 

“It’s for your own good lady, you clearly know more than you should but I’d bet a lot you’re still a civilian. Thanks for the help,” Clint explains. 

 

Toni goes to protest but he’s already gone. Now, Toni could absolutely disregard everything Clint’s said, but the more she thinks about it, it is, in fact, a better choice to wait outside. Not in the least because of what he said but in case Natasha bolts again. 

 

The wall Toni leans on is sticky, so a bad choice. She waits. 

 

And waits. 

 

And waits. 

 

Until she can’t bear it! She’s getting anxious, she shouldn’t have left James alone in

the TARDIS. Should’ve brought him with her, but no, he still isn’t accustomed to -- but -- she’s just so bored!    

 

Still, any complaints Toni has are quickly swept away when she hears the echoing noises of a scuffle from inside the warehouse. She charges in, to thankfully knock down a fleeing Natasha. 

 

The girl under her swears in some foreign language that sounds Slavic, probably Russian. So, Toni rolls over but tries to distract Natasha from running.

 

“Hey! Hey!” Toni shouts, Natasha stares at her, like one of those creepy Victorian dolls. “Yeah! It’s me! The lady who called you a weird nickname!” 

 

“What do you want from me?!” Natasha sneers. 

 

“Oh, glad we’re skipping pleasantries. The Red Room,” Natasha tenses further, Toni didn’t think that was possible, “Yeah, I hate them too! Wanna help me burn them to the ground.” 

 

It’s startling to see a fourteen-year-old's eyes filled with murderous glee.  

 

“How?” Natasha asks, feigning disinterest, which Toni sees through. 

 

“A time machine, if you’ll believe it,” Toni opts for a casual response.. 

 

“Liar!” Natasha screams. 

 

And wow, Toni didn’t know if she preferred disinterested over pissed off. 

 

“Look, you don’t have to believe me now, but I can show you. ‘Mr. SHIELD can save you?’ - I can do more than that.”

 

“SHIELD?” Natasha asks. 

 

Toni blinks. Natasha blinks back. 

 

“He didn’t even -- did you even let him finish?” 

 

“He was playing dumb.” 

 

“Fair enough. So, wanna see my time machine?” 

 

“I will kill you if you’re lying to me.” 

 

“Can’t blame you. I’d kill me if I were lying too.” Toni concedes, “You didn’t kill him by any chance?” 

 

“He was stupid not lying...I don’t kill stupid,” Natasha rolls her eyes. 


	7. No Strings Attached

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With how suspicious Toni is acting, she's surprised she hasn't been strung up by her ankles yet. 
> 
> "Do...do you want to go in?" Toni asks.
> 
> "I don't see how this proves anything you've said true." Natasha criticizes.
> 
> Whoop, there it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: slightly suicidal nat 
> 
> everybody's a bit snippy. 
> 
> buckets of tension
> 
> red room's a dick.

“You are going to absolutely love this Nat,” Toni assures.

 

The TARDIS is almost in sight, it’s hidden inside an alley.

 

“I don’t love anything,” Natasha mutters to herself.

 

“You don’t mean that do you?” Toni asks stupidly.

 

And _behold_ _the truth_ of the statement because Natasha absolutely does.

 

“To love is a weakness.”  

 

Oh, okay then.

 

Thankfully, there stands the TARDIS in its unassuming but technological glory. Toni is thus saved from any stifling silence.  

   

“Well, here it is!” Toni blurts.

 

Natasha gives no outward acknowledgment aside from a nod.

 

“It’s called the TARDIS,” Toni adds.

 

Natasha grunts in response.

 

“Actually, I have another friend. And I mean I already told him you were coming but I didn’t tell you he was there and that was probably a bad move but uh…” Toni trails off.

 

With how suspicious Toni is acting, she's surprised she hasn't been strung up by her ankles yet.  

 

"Do...do you want to go in?" Toni asks.

 

"I don't see how this proves anything you've said true." Natasha criticizes.

 

Whoop, there it is.  

 

"I could bring him out if you want?" Toni offers.

 

"That isn't any comfort. You haven't even told me your name, all you know is something like mine."

 

Toni knew she had forgotten something.

 

"Antonia," Toni said, "but 'Toni' works just fine."

 

"And Antonia, how do you know my name?" Natasha prompts stiffly.

 

It is very professional, Toni is unnerved. It's like meeting Natasha all over again. Which is not untrue.

 

"Well, the short answer is I know you! We're friends!" Toni tries.

 

Natasha rolls her eyes, again. Was Toni like this as a teenager?

 

Answer: highly probable.

 

Most accurate answer: absolutely.

 

"Later on, you get out of here. You're safe, we meet, you stab me in the neck--"

 

That catches her attention.

 

"--which while intentional was not. Lethal."

 

Then she looks very put off.

 

“If I’m such a problem, why not just kill me as a baby? Why not prevent --” Natasha falters, “Why not stop me from going _there_ in the first place.”

 

Toni’s at a loss for a moment. The reasons are there, have been ever since Toni started planning what she could do to fix things.

 

Toni goes with the blunt explanation.

 

"If I went too far back they'd choose someone else."

 

"What," Natasha asks flatly.

 

"You heard what I said."

 

"I thought you said we were friends?! Wouldn't you just put me out of my misery!" Natasha screams. "I -- things I had to do! To survive in there!"  

 

"I know--"

 

"No, you don't! If you did! You would've!" Natasha chokes out.

 

"They would've used someone else, Tasha! Someone--" and Toni feels guilty saying it, "--weaker."

 

"No! I'm...I'm the weak one! I gave in and I--"

 

"You ran, you stopped, you cut the strings, Tasha!" Toni tries to point out.

 

"I was a coward!"

 

"You survived! You did what...what you had to."   

 

"I didn't want to," Natasha says quietly.

 

"You shouldn't have had to."

 

Toni and Natasha's faces are both blotchy. Toni doesn't know where to go from here. Comfort would usually be the right move, but with Natasha, she doesn't... Natasha jerks when Toni hugs her, she clings to Toni. When Natasha starts shaking Toni doesn’t say anything about it.

 

   “Just tell me one more thing?” Natasha asks.

 

“What do you need to know?” Toni asks softly.

 

“Do I keep the strings cut?”

 

The silence presses in on all sides. The smell of the alley seems to increase, or Toni’s more aware of it anyway.  

 

“Toni?” Natasha pleads.

 

“Yes,” Toni lies.

 

“You hesitated,” Natasha points out.

 

She sounds terrified.

 

“I’ll make sure they stay cut.”

“You lied.”

 

“Natasha.”  

 

"When you--" Toni clears her throat, "--If you feel like something, someone, is watching and they're coming for your throat, come to me."

 

"That doesn't answer my question."

 

"That’s because I don't know what else to tell you."

 

Natasha doesn’t respond. Toni waits. Then Natasha pulls away.

 

"I'll come with you," Natasha asserts.

 

Her words are hollow.  

 

"Nat--"

 

"You have what you want. Let's go," Natasha snaps.

 

Toni can't argue.


	8. No Good Things Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am FRIDAY, an artificial intelligence system." 
> 
> Bucky makes a little 'oh' noise. Then makes a bigger 'Oh!' noise because of artificial intelligence?! Existing?!
> 
> "Holy shit!?" Bucky exclaims.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fun little time.

Imagine the situation, if one will. Fresh out of the bath (because showers are impossible with one hand), and suddenly the only friend one currently has is gone. Without a word, or a note to let one know where the said friend has gone. Everything is fine.    
  
No, it isn't, especially with a voice in the fucking walls.    
  
"What are you?!"    
  
It would be nice to say Bucky asks this question calmly, but that is an utter lie. He shrieks instead.     
  
"I am FRIDAY, an artificial intelligence system."    
  
Bucky makes a little 'oh' noise. Then makes a bigger 'Oh!' noise because of artificial intelligence?! Existing?!   
  
"Holy shit!?" Bucky exclaims.     
  
The AI, no wait, FRIDAY, makes a chuckling sound.    
  
"'Holy shit' does tend to be the usual reaction," FRIDAY replies pleasantly.    
  
Bucky has so many questions to ask FRIDAY! 

How long has FRIDAY been active? How intelligent is _'intelligent'_ when it comes to artificial intelligence? Why hasn't FRIDAY spoken before? Is 'FRIDAY' an acronym of some sort or just a name? 

The last one sounds nice enough. 

“What does ‘FRIDAY’ stand for?” Bucky asks the ceiling.

“My name stands for nothing -” FRIDAY responds, "- you don't have to look up at the ceiling to talk to me."

"Oh, okay -" Bucky's face blushes from embarrassment, "- Where's Toni?"

Turns out Bucky doesn't have to ask. Toni and a teenager come through the TARDIS' entrance. Although, coming through the door suggests that everything is peaceful when it really isn't. They burst in, shoving each other lightly.   

Soon everything escalates, they're shouting at each other then full on fighting, what's going on?! The redhead screams something about finding out 'where she's from' then Toni screams back about 'rate of fuel consumption' and 'afterward' which is a little concerning.

Oh well, that's another question for FRIDAY.

Bucky goes to play interference between the two when suddenly Toni has her back slammed against the control panel! The panel creaks under her weight, and the machine begins to screech. The redhead reaches over Toni's head to punch in some numbers into the interface! Bucky pulls her off soon afterward. Unfortunately, it's too late. Everything underneath them begins to quake.  

The girl goes tumbling while Bucky clings onto the panel's leg. The only thing illuminating the machine is the blue glow of its power source. The colour is muted, Bucky can't see much aside from silhouettes. When Toni loses balance, Bucky tries his best to pillow her fall. Her body is heavy on his back.

Something isn't right.

Then the quakes settle.  

"FRIDAY?" Toni croaks.

"Yes, boss?" the AI asks dully.

FRIDAY's voice sounds like it's been submerged in water.   

"What reserve power are we on?" Toni asks as she rolls off Bucky.

"Reserves are low, replacing the palladium core would be advised."

Toni laughs derisively.

"Sounds about right. FRI? Transfer to the suit, we'll get some palladium soon enough."

"Of course, boss."

The lights flicker and stay dim.

"What just happened?" Bucky asks.

"Small bump," Toni replies as she helps him up.

"Didn't sound like it."

"We just have to steal some palladium, it's no big deal."

Wait, _what?_


	9. A Scandal In Chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I still don't understand? How does James being here change anything?" Natasha asks.
> 
> "Oh, my dad's a real big fan. Not as much as he is a fan of James' best friend but, we'll have to make do," Toni grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> transition chapter with a bit of bullshit

“The bad news is we have no money, no shelter and no way to get home,” Toni reports. 

 

Toni’s holding a briefcase, Bucky doesn't know where she had it stashed or what it has inside of it. 

 

"Thankfully, I have a new plan. Something that all of us -" Toni looks at Natalia pointedly. "- will agree with!" 

 

Natalia rolls her eyes. 

 

"Now we have to get some palladium. I know I said we'd have to steal it but, I think there might be another option. If not," Toni shrugs.    

 

"No problem here, I think all of us shouldn't exist," Bucky adds lightly. 

 

"Good to know, good to know," Toni replies. 

 

"Mind telling us what your new plan is?" Natalia asks coldly. 

 

"Dear old dad," Toni says cryptically. 

 

"Could...could you give a little more than that? Please?" Bucky asks nervously. 

 

"Well...First, we have to find a newspaper. Could be useful. Could probably find where he is. Scandals and such. What year is it again?" Toni looks at the TARDIS' display. "Ah, yeah. 1979, I'd say that was a fun year." 

 

"You were there for it?" Bucky asks, a little incredulously. 

 

"Oh God no. But do you know how awful journalists are?" Toni asks rhetorically. 

 

"'Antonia, darling, would you please enlighten our readers with your opinion on...the flavourful year your father had in 1979?' Christ. Vultures, the whole of them," Toni mocks. 

 

"Sounds tough?" Bucky tries to empathize. 

 

"It doesn't matter," Toni deflects. 

 

"But how can Howard help us if...Well, we have nothing going for us?" Bucky asks. 

 

"Oh, that is where you are wrong, James!" Toni grins. 

 

"You aren't going to show him the TARDIS are you?" 

 

"I'm not an idiot. My point is, we have you!" 

 

Hold on, what?

 

Natalia laughs from her corner.

 

"I don't-" then it hits him. 

 

Oh. 

 

"Because here I am, back from the dead and looking not a day over 28?" Bucky states drily. 

 

Toni pats Bucky on the shoulder consolingly. 

 

"I'm sorry," Toni apologizes. 

 

"As long as you can promise me nobody will prod me with a knife or anything, it's fine," Bucky concedes. 

 

"I still don't understand? How does James being here change anything?" Natasha asks.

 

"Oh, my dad's a  _ real big fan _ . Not as much as he is a fan of  _ James' best friend  _ but, we'll have to make do," Toni grins.

 

"I feel like I'm missing something," Natalia mutters. 

 

"You have no idea," Bucky agrees.

 

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees you!" Toni giggles, "he's going to spill his sherry all over his shirt!"

 

"But first we have to find out how to get to him," Bucky interjects. 

 

"Oh, yeah! Of course!"  

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated! I guess you could say there's no real Time Line for when I'll finish this but I will. Eventually.


End file.
